"I felt reprived and virtuous. Now I could sit in my own flat by myself and be pragmatic. Sometimes the best company is your own" - Jeanette Winterson, Written on the Body.
I am beginning to really enjoy my own company. This way I do not have to explain how I applied for the card in November and how I am in such a pitiful state and how terrified I am. It sickens me to narrate the story over and over, in response to hopeful, 'How is work treating you?" enquiries.
It is finally snowing out, and since I never have to leave the house, I am thoroughly enjoying it. Like looking into an urban snow globe, without having to deal with wet boots and a red nose. But today I did step out for a little bit, a quick emergency trip to the grocery store. A salad box and a chocolate bar. And I zipped home. But now I don't want to eat a salad, I want a greasy loaded hamburger, yes this is what I truly crave at the moment.
According to my calculations, I should have a definite answer between tomorrow and Friday. Yes, we have known this all along but it sounds more credible when attached to an "according to my calculation". Leelee I don't want you to see these writings anymore. They are no longer happy and entertaining, they're black, bleak desperate words strung together in my moments of anxiety! Stop reading and come back after a year or two!
Xoxo,
Gossip Girl
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